Male Bonding

Hello again, Web Wanderers,

To follow up on my adumbration from last night (yes, I'll wait a moment for you to grab your dictionaries), I wanted to share with you my experiences with the older boys of the house.

From left to right, we have Chham, Saroj, and Hikmat.

Chham is a 13 years old, and comes from a long line of Gorkha warriors, and boy, you can see it. At 13, Chham is already SOLID. When he shakes your hand, it's already a manly shake. When he gives you a hug, you can feel the raw power he possesses. My guess is under the right environment, he would grow up to be a Heisman Trophy Linebacker.

Saroj, at 14, is the comedian of the three (but they're all quite funny). You would never guess that this is the boy that had to escape a Maoist compound in the middle of the night and navigate the jungle on his own to freedom. He always has this smile on his face, but he really cracks up when the situation warrants. Today, we were walking down the street together as we passed this group of women. They all smiled, and we exchanged our "Namaste"s, and continued on our way. The women were talking and laughing amongst themselves as they walked away, and Saroj, got the biggest, brightest smile on his face and started teasing me, "Ooooooooh, they all think you're SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hand-some!!!" Supposedly, the women were commenting that I was largest, most handsome man they had ever seen. Mind you, these were all 40-50 year old women, and the irony wasn't lost on Saroj.

Hikmat, at 16, is the most introspective of the three. Although he is not as athletically inclined as Chham, or as outgoing as Saroj, he has impressed me as a very kind soul. He was the first to share his chips and soda with other children, both in the neighborhood and at the home. Hikmat also has an eye for fashion. He joined the sewing class and is quickly growing quite talented on that front.

When I first arrived, it was quickly apparent that these young men had hearts of gold. But, I found the constant stares, often times from within my personal space, uncomfortable to say the least. Chham in particular intently stares and hangs on my every word, while inching closer and closer as if I won't notice. Then the realization hit me that he's desperate for adult male role models, which is short supply. Here's a young man, separated from his village, whose only male role model is a man who has to share his attention across 50 children. The orphanage itself is heavily weighted towards young girls (as they are generally the most at risk), and the entire staff for his home is female. Combine that with the fact that 95% of volunteers are women, and I suddenly became on the very few people that can help teach him how to grow up into the man he's destined to become. I remember a very lost 17 year old, who Destiny delivered to a small town in the Blue Mountains west of Sydney. There, Jim Hulbert took him in as a son and for the first time in his life made him accountable for his actions and showed how much one could accomplish by channelling his temper into a positive force of change. I can never pay Jim back for what he did for me....All I can possibly do is try to pay it forward.

So today, the four of us sat on a park bench, drinking soda and scarfing down potato chips, and talking about anything and everything. We talked about men and women being equal, but opposite, and the importance of finishing their education and establishing their career before pursuing a family. Chham and Saroj shared their dream to be airplane pilots so that they could travel the world. You could see on each face the power of having their dreams affirmed. But more so, the simple fact that they got 2 full hours of my undivided attention. Just us men, doing what men do best....teasing each other over who the other has a crush on.

They're going to grow up to be outstanding men, in the truest sense of the word.

Best,

Tom