The Difference a Month Makes

Dear Friends & Family,

Tonight is our last night in Nepal. It is going to be a sad morning and a very, very long flight home.

It is hard to believe that we have been here 4 weeks and we are leaving tomorrow.

This brings me to Ishwor. “Iggy” arrived at the home a couple of weeks before us. When we first met him he was very standoff-ish and asserted himself by sitting on the younger boys or pushing the girls around. One month on and it is a totally different child.

He has a brilliant smile and is the first in line to give us hugs or to get his hair done (he vehemently refused to have me touch his head when I first arrived). He helps the younger children get ready and with their school work. It is an absolute testament to the love they have received from Mary-Kate, Vinod and everyone here at Papa’s House. Michael has set a wonderful precedent of care and love that each and every child receives.

We will be leaving our hearts behind tomorrow.

Sending you much love,

Fiona

Personal Day

Hello Everyone,

Fiona's and my day revolved around private reflection. As such, there will be no update for today's events.

Tomorrow is our last full day in Nepal, and the children are already jockeying for our time. Somehow, in the next 36 odd hours, I have to show 50 children that they are loved, cherished, appreciated, and will never be forgotten. I never really stopped to consider the impact on these children's lives of my *leaving*.....

A wrap-up may have to wait until we get home...I anticipate a late night tomorrow.

Best,

Tom

Angels Galore

Good evening Web Wanderers,

It seems hard to believe that our month in Nepal is rapidly coming to a close. Unfortunately, it seems impossible to introduce you to all of the children in the homes before our departure, but tonight I would like you to meet two other sweet angels that have touched Fiona and my lives.

The first girl is Mary Rai. Mary's real name is Gyahunta, but she quickly latched onto her nickname and made it her own. I first noticed Mary when reading Michael's website; you could tell from her smile that she was an introspective soul. And indeed she is. When we first arrived, I was really looking forward to getting to know her and was a bit disappointed that she seemed to have no interest in me. I could see her give me the occasional glance from a distance, but she would never come in for a hug like most of the children.

But over the past week, she has suddenly warmed up to me, and I've gotten a chance to really see the depth of her personality. Perhaps the jealousy of seeing the affection heaped on the other children became unbearable, or perhaps I somehow unknowingly passed the test for her to open up to me. Now she comes in for big hugs, and I get the Nepali kiss reserved for the most prestigious (a kiss on each check and then on the forehead) and the proclamation ,"Father, I LOVE you SOOOO much!" Mary is actually quite self confident and helps me by translating what I'm saying to the younger children. Yesterday, we took 6 children to get sodas and samosas; Mary amongst them. Mary naturally took a leadership role and helped Fiona and I keep the group together in our single file line. A natural leader - she got the other children to do what we wanted without coming across as bossy.

Her little sister, Rasmita, also joined us on our adventure yesterday. Rasmita is a slight show-off. One of her favorite things to do is play hacky sack with a ball made out of rubber bands (almost all of the kids in Nepal seem to have one) and make sure everyone knows how many times she was able to kick it before it hit the ground. Rasmita warmed up to me much earlier than Mary, but given her English is still quite basic, she isn't able to always communicate what she wants to say and gives up trying despite gentle prodding from me. But she always runs off with a smile, and each night fights her way through scrum to make sure she gets her goodnight hug and kiss.

These are two other girls that could easily be fallen in love with. Both always look upon you with a smile expressing the pure joy and goodness in their hearts. Innocent to the core, they are two angels whose nightly hugs I'm going to miss dearly when we depart on Saturday.

62 hours and counting....

Best,

Tom

Kit Kat

Dear Family & Friends,

This is Yasoda. She is a girl after my own heart. When we first arrived, she would barely make eye contact but she would always be walking briskly around the house with a stack of books or have her nose buried in her books, studying very hard.

She has picked up English very quickly and has been my very patient Nepali teacher.

She is extremely shy but once she warms up to you, she is just the most lovely soul.

Yasoda is the oldest girl in the new home and the younger girls just hang on to her every word. She sets the benchmark on behaviour and we are pleased to say that she sets the standard very, very high. She has the heart of a leader; she just needs to believe that herself too.

When Tom was allocating new hip-hop names to the children, she was mildly distressed at being named after a chocolate bar but very graciously accepted it since he had picked it for her. Since then, she has developed a skip in her step and loves being called Kit-to-the-Kat.

We both think she is just gorgeous and has model potential but we can see her equally becoming a doctor or a teacher.

I look forward to morning tea and biscuits because I know she would've saved me a seat next to her on the kitchen bench. She still doesn't say much and just likes holding my hand. There are just some things you do not need words for.

Happy New Year!

Fi

New Year's Eve Nepali Style

Dear Readers,

It is 8pm Nepali time on New Year's Eve and we are ready for bed. We sure have been painting the town red! The other volunteers have headed off to Thamel to see what they can find in terms of celebrations, but in a country that doesn't celebrate New Year's Eve, it might be slim pickings. We understand that the countdown was completed at 6:30 pm and all bars, pubs and other establishments will be closed at 11, so I don't think we are going to have any hungover volunteers in the morning.

Tonight I would like to introduce you to 2 more gorgeous poppets.

The first is Hari Salami. On our arrival, we discovered he had just made the decision to change his name to "Hari Nepali". The reason being that Salami is the surname of a low caste and he was tired of being teased and bullied. He discovered that many lower caste people have adopted the last name "Nepali", which is not associated with any caste.

I asked Vinod (the house dad) if it was OK to let Hari know that one of my favourite foods was salami and he said "No ma'am, then he will want to change his name back!"

There is a part of me that just cannot conceptualise the impact of the caste system on someone as young as 8. I have been told that the caste system is not as strict in Nepal as it is in India, even so, it just breaks my heart. But I am proud of strong souls like Hari who is taking his life into his own hands, and even at his tender age is making positive changes in his life. Maybe one day, he will help change his world.

Hari is a ham. He has the funniest faces every time he delivers a line. He pauses and waits for the room the laugh. It is very rare to see anything but the most genuine of smiles plastered to his face. Recently, he has been in a race with the older boys to get to the gate to unlock and lock behind us.

This is Sita. She is a fairly recent addition to the family here at Papa's House. Sita makes my heart squeeze with desolation every time I see her. She was dropped off a few months ago with her paperwork. She arrived with her hair shaved (probably due to lice) and it is so lovely to see that her gorgeous locks are growing back in.

On the nights and the mornings I get to spend a few moments hugging her, I get the sense she has so much to say, so much to tell but just hasn't quite got the vocabulary to express herself. So we sit or stand there in each others arms and I just hold her tight and tell her I love her and that she is now safe. There were days when I was almost certain she was never going to let go, but she will snuggle into my neck, squeeze a little tighter and then let go and go play with her sisters and brothers.

It is going to be very tough to say goodbye on Saturday morning.

Much love,

Fi

Go Speed Racer, Go!

Good evening loyal readers and new visitors alike,

Today I got to fulfill a promise I made two weeks ago...After my first attempt to take Hikmat, Saroj, and Chham go-kart racing went up in flames, I made them a solemn promise to make it up to them. I didn't have to as they didn't hold the place being closed against me, but I made the promise nevertheless. And a couple nights ago, Saroj sheepishly reminded me of my commitment even though I hadn't forgotten (but yes, time was slipping by faster than I could keep up). So enough was enough...I got Papa's permission to pick the boys up from school after lunch (they go to school 6 days a week, and Saturday was Fiona's party), and we headed off to the track with Vinod, the gentlemen who is "Daddy" at the second hostel, and Fiona, who made it very clear that I was going to have one pouty wife if I didn't invite her on our boys' day out.


Given how expensive the track is, I was afraid we were only going to be able to do a few minutes each, but Vinod spoke with the owner, and after much pleading for a discounted rate, agreed that he would do a special package for us - 3 cars for 30 minutes. While the price was a lot higher than I originally budgeted (the place caters to diplomats and dignitaries), it was 33% off the published rates, and with the eager looks of anticipation on each boys face, I was easily convinced to agree.


The 3 boys started for the first 15 minutes. It amused me to no end how their personalities matched their driving styles.



Chham, as the Speed Racer lyrics go, was a demon on wheels. The boy has no fear. Just as he dives for every ball no matter the sport or playing surface, he was full throttle the entire time. He was the superstar of the day, and he knew it even if he was too modest to boast.

Hikmat, God bless him, drove like my grandmother. I've never seen somebody sit up so straight or drive so slowly. And boy did we let him know it! But Hikmat never missed a beat...with a smile beaming from his face, I became "Grandson" and Fiona became "Granddaughter". His smile at the end was just a big as Chham's even if he only did half the number of laps.

Saroj was in the middle of the pack. While not as insane as Chham, or as cautious as Hikmat, he had a few good crashes as he figured out how to handle the kart. Remember, none of these boys have ever been behind the wheel of anything...Never having the driver's ed we each got as a child on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride at Disneyland. Saroj was consistently ALL over the course, flailing from side to side, desperate to keep control.


Now that each of the boys got a "crash" course, Fiona and Vinod got behind the wheel and started racing each of the boys in 5 minute intervals. Fiona stunned everyone (except for me) by her driving prowess. The girl drives a Mustang after all, and is quite ept at taking corners at 50mph! Try as the boys might, they just couldn't keep up with my pint-sized Mike Wallace.





Vinod however was able to give Fiona a run for her money. Like Chham, he had no fear, but the increased upper body strength helped him navigate the corners at a higher velocity than his peers.

With 5 minutes remaining, Fiona pulled into the pit, and I got goaded into finishing the race. Mind you, while I have been go-kart racing before, it was probably about 25 years ago, and I spent most of my time in the wall. I didn't want to shatter the illusion that I knew what I was doing by having a repeat performance of the track staff constantly pulling me off the wall.



And sure enough, at the first hair-pin turn I spun out and crashed hard. I worked hard to keep from turning red as I was admonished in Nepali for driving like an idiot. But always one to learn from my mistakes, I figured out the handling, and within a minute was tearing up the track like there was no tomorrow. I was weaving and bobbing through traffic and sending my competitors into the wall (OK, occasionally I got a little too competitive and tried to accelerate into holes 3 inches too narrow and chirped off the wall myself as I squeezed by). While I by no means hold the track record, I clearly had the fastest laps of the day. And hey! I easily carry an extra 50 kilos over Vinod...imagine how fast I would have been if I wasn't lugging around that extra spare tire. :)

All in all it was a fantastic day enjoyed by all. While I feel bad that the cost of such makes it prohibitive for them to enjoy this again in the near future, it clearly is an experience they will be talking about for years to come. Like a child's first trip to Disneyland, there is something entirely satisfying by watching the awe on their face as they experience something beyond their wildest imagination. It's that joy that makes it all worthwhile.

Namaste,


Tom


P.S. Fiona and I sparked a flurry a couple days ago with our posting regarding the Basnet sisters. While we appreciate everyone's excitement and encouragement, a couple clarifications need to be made:


1) Nepal currently does not have any legal method for adopting children. Part due to political upheaval, and part due to not meeting international criteria for foreign adoptions, there has been a moratorium on all new adoptions out of Nepal. While there is some hope that the new Parliament will address this issue, it would be foolhardy to attach a timeline to such given how everything moves in "Nepalese time".


2) As mentioned in the posting, Fiona and I would have to feel as if God truly put it in our hearts to adopt rather than simply being caught up in the moment. As many of you know, Fiona and I agreed before we got married not to have children. I personally feel ill-equipped to help guide a child through their formative teenage years given that I barely survived my own. "Survival" is the only way to describe it as I have no insights as to how to help a child raised in America how to navigate that period of their lives, let alone somebody from a much more innocent cultural upbringing. We do love these girls, but only time and prayerful consideration will determine whether adopting these two angels is a part of our Journey. We don't feel the need to "save" these girls...They are very well taken care of by Papa and are receiving an excellent education. The question really becomes whether the real reason Fiona and I felt so strongly about not having children was due to our feelings of inadequacy to raise children, or if it is all a complex part of destiny allowing us to have an open spot in our hearts and lives for Kabita and Apsara. If God calls upon us to adopt, we'll love them as deeply and surely as if they were our own, but the time is not now. Whether the time will come is a question yet to be answered.